The biggest hate

In my transitioning my body to female I’ve also dug deep into who I am Inside to me. What I believed about who I was and what was real. You see I hated myself but that’s too simple. I was trained to hate myself. And I was an exceptional student. What I believed and what was true about me are quite different. I believed I could do nothing right. That I was unliked and unwanted. That I was bad because I existed. I learned to expect nothing, no matter how hard I tried to earn it. Of course the opposite is true. I didn’t even see it. That I’m a caring loving single parent of a child who is in college and doing well that loves me back. Friends who have always thought of me as one of the sweetest loving and giving person they’ve known. And volumes of songs, stories and poems. But I had thought of me as the monster. None of that mattered. My biggest hate was me.

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